Reaching For More
It’s been 13 years and I still grin when I see her in my mind. The little chubby-cheeked angel who’d come into my life looked up at me from her high chair. Abby was around one-and-a-half and showed it with food all over her cheeks, bangs from her bob haircut dropped messily in her face and eyes so round and bright they were like little balls of joy.
Abby’s mom-my wife, Sarah-had lovingly chopped up small pieces of grapes, chicken nuggets, and cheese. Abby’s little hands, still showing the limited dexterity of a one-and-a-half-year-old, operated more like mitts. She scooped as many pieces as her fingers would wrap around, food smooshing out between the little appendages and falling back to the highchair. What didn’t land on her tray or her lap, fell to the floor for Sunny, our Beagle to quickly claim.
Abby’s little mitts would reach up to her face to smash food into her mouth and bless the Beagle with food raining down from heaven.
This meal, like so many for Abby, I watched to see when she’d figure out the math on just how much food one needed to have in their mouth before it was time to stop shoving more in. Unfortunately, this meal, like so many others, she didn’t have it figured out yet. Better fathers might have stopped what was happening. I watched and observed, just grinning at this little wonder in front of me, filling her mouth like a balloon with too much air.
Abby’s cheeks looked so full of food they might rip open and I watched her little hands repeat the squeezing, dropping, clutching process coming up like a bulldozer delivering more dirt to fill an endless hole. Sadly, Abby would sometimes cross the line. The sweet little girl who already held my whole heart repeated the process until, finally, something had to give.
One more shovel full of food from the tiny hands and I watched as she gagged. More food than ever before dropped out of her mouth to Sunny’s pure delight. Although Abby’s mouth was completely full, she’d been so excited for more, she’d continued filling her mouth until it was so much it made her gag it back out. Her eyes watered little tears from the gag reflex and, undeterred, she looked up at me, smiled, and grabbed for the next shovel full of food to start the process over.
It’s years later now. Abby is older; becoming a beautiful young woman, and I sit here smiling bittersweetly. Besides recalling that little, overstuffed girl, I remember a life lesson that moment taught me. How often have we, as adults, “reached for more?”
How many times have we wanted a bigger TV, a longer vacation, a nicer car, better shoes, a bigger house in a better neighborhood? Haven’t we sometimes failed to see our lives are full as we reach for more to fill a never ending hunger?
Sweet little Abby, the one-and-a-half-year-old didn’t yet understand she had enough. She didn’t yet know the food would still be on her highchair, waiting for her to scoop it up if she was hungry after swallowing what was in her mouth. She had all she needed, yet continued to reach for more. So much so that her body physically forced her to reject it when she went too far, lest she choke and die.
It was in that moment, I realized materialism, greed, and the never ending thirst for more are not so different from what I witnessed with that little toddler. We chase, reach, grab, claw, and obsess over more. We sign ourselves up for a lifetime of bondage to debt. We race day in and day out to pay for all the things we want more of, never pausing to ask if they are the more we really need. Sometimes we’ll even seek it until it chokes us of joy, hope, and energy. We’re exhausted from reaching for more. Something within us is trying to reject more before we choke.
I suggest, the anti-habits of more, which will give us life-giving breath are contentment, thankfulness, and generosity. When we appreciate what we have, let our hearts embrace gratitude for it, and share what we have with others, we slow up and digest. In that pausing, recognizing, and sharing, we realize what is truly precious, we do inventory of what we already have, and we see what others need.
What’s more, just as I was a good father, prepared to ensure Abby had all she needed, I believe there is a Heavenly Father who loves us, provides for us, and wants us to see what He has to offer is the more we need. A more which will fill hearts in a way that all the things we chase never could, and that will never choke our spirits.
Whether you’re religious or not, if this idea of “reaching for more” is hitting you, I suggest trying these thought exercises for 7 days and see if you don’t start finding more air for your spirit.
1.) Contentment:
Spend some time (even just a couple minutes) thinking about how “I have what I need.” Consider reframing your mindset to see the difference between what you want and what you need in life. Try to meditate on the idea that, “I have enough of what I need.”
2.) Thankfulness:
Closely related to contentment is thankfulness. For me this means recognizing the good things I have in my life come from that good father I spoke of. Perhaps for you that means simply being happy about what you have. Whatever that looks like, pause, and literally (in your mind or out loud) say “thank you.” Say thanks for the things you have, the experiences you’ve been given, and the people in your life. Whether you want to thank God, the universe, or something else, there is nothing like a thankful heart to reset your entire worldview.
3.) Generosity:
There truly are people who don’t have enough and need more. Commit to take the time to see the needs of others and set about doing something tangible to meet them. Does someone need clothes for their children? Does your local food bank need supplies or volunteers? Is there a busy mom in your neighborhood who could really use some babysitting? Consider there are needs in your circles then ask yourself “what one, practical thing can I do this week to begin the practice of meeting needs?” Make it small and manageable to start so it’s not overwhelming, and watch yourself transform over time.
The person who sees they have what they need, releases attachment to the desire for more, allows thankfulness into their heart for what they have and who seeks to help meet the needs of others will have a spirit full of life giving breath which can never be choked out.