ENCOURAGEMENT WEEK 2: WORDS GIVE IDENTITY

“We know what we are, but know not what we may be.” - Shakespeare

The words spoken over your family members have the power to shape the person they are. We internalize what we hear. Over time we begin to believe what is spoken to us, and adopt these beliefs as identity.

Phrases like “You’re so smart” or “You’re so lazy” take root over time until we believe them. The more we believe a thing about ourself, the more it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. We become what we believe we are. That bears being repeated.

We become (a future state) the things we believe we are (in the present.)

That presents an amazing opportunity and great responsibility for you! There is a track of words running in the minds and hearts of your family members and you have the power to insert new messages into that track. Messages which can forever confirm, shape, and strengthen the identity of those in your care!

In week 1 you began shaping your family’s culture with your words. You are forming a habit of speaking encouragement to those around you. You’re going to find it’s contagious in the best ways. Habits aren’t formed overnight, so in week 2 we continue the theme of encouragement by speaking identity.

In week 1 I said words of praise are like wind in the sails of your family’s hearts. This week, think of your words which positively affirm your family as being like a tree planting deep roots. When storms come - when lies are spoken over your family or negative peer pressure is applied - the truth you have consistently spoken over them will root them to who they are, and who they want to be.

When we are certain of our identity, we are strong. When the world comes around your family with harmful messages and peer pressures it will be truth you have spoken into their hearts and minds which will shield them. If you choose to speak messages of love, hope, strength, and courage, they will easily spot and reject the lies spoken over them, keeping to the truths of who they are.

Weekly Assignment:

Your task this week is similar to last week. This week your job is to speak something positive about who each family member is. Think about five things for each of them. These are things you see in them which make them unique and are a part of who they are. These are “You are…” messages. Be careful to speak truly about who they are and not your wishes for who they “should be”. If any are repeats from last week, that’s ok! You’re building the habit of lifting them up with your words and these messages are worth hearing more than once!

Examples:

  • You’re kind

  • You’re talented at math

  • You’re a great writer

  • You’re adventurous

  • You’re generous

  • You’re funny

  • You’re quick to learn new things

  • You’re creative

  • You're inclusive

  • You’re strong

  • You’re a peacemaker

On five days this week find each family member and give them one positive “You are...” message. You’re giving them the gift of understanding who they are and being proud of it. This will have impacts for years -even generations- to come.

A side note since you’ve recently begun this program:

Whether you hit your target of praising each family member on 5 days last week or not, you started. Celebrate that! Way to start what will be the best investment you’ll make - investing in the lives of those in your care. If you didn’t hit the full target last week, don’t let that discourage you! Continue on this week and keep building your momentum.

Also, if it hasn’t been a roaring success, remind yourself you took a first step last week, not a last one. Especially if your home culture has been negative; it’s going to take time to create new habits and a new culture. That’s the point of 5 X Dad. Be consistent over time and take small, manageable steps. It’s going to make a difference. Stick with it!

Eric Thompson